When parents have abused us as children, the first decision
of forgiveness and healing is to say, “I was sinned against.” Another decision
of forgiveness is to say “It was not my fault.” Assuming we deserved the abuse can block
opening up the wounds for God’s healing.
As children, any bad thing that happened to us was our
fault. It was my fault I got beaten with a razor strap. I deserved it. It was my
fault daddy touched me. I shouldn’t have gotten on his lap. It was my fault mommy
ignored me. I had a big nose.
It wasn’t your fault you were beaten with a razor strap. When
you needed help to walk the good path, your parents needed to find a less
damaging way to discipline. It wasn’t your fault that your daddy sexually
abused you. He was the adult, responsible for your healthy growth and
development. Your nose was not reason enough to be ignored by your mother.
We can ask God “Was that thing they did to me really my
fault?” We can talk to a pastor, a friend, or a counselor. Let’s ask Jesus for
power to open up the wounds, at the right time and in the right way. Painful as
it is to lance the wounds, it is a step towards healing. But this work is hard
and scary. Don’t do it without support.
Jesus, please provide comfort and support as we work on
forgiving our parents.