Max DePree writes "The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality."  We are all leaders, most especially of ourselves. We ponder the raw sense data we receive in light of how we understand reality. I sit, early on a Sunday morning, at the computer near an open window, feeling the coolness on my skin, hearing the early summer birdsong. How do I interpret that? What comes to mind? I think of: Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. Even all the hairs on your head are numbered. So do not be afraid; you are more valuable than many sparrows. (Net, Matthew 10-29-31)

If reality is God has numbered the hairs on my head, then his involvement with me is way beyond my imagination. He knows about the insomnia waking me at 4am several days running. The other day, when I prayed, quite fervently, to go back to sleep, I did. This morning, I didn’t, though praying just as fervently, as far as I can tell. Why not answer the prayer this morning? Mystery. And yet, I am more valuable than many sparrows. I trust that reality. He is holding my right hand.

We all grapple with unanswered prayer and wrestle with fear and anger. In those struggles, how do we construe reality? That is, where is God? Close and involved or cold and distant? How we define reality makes all the difference.

Father, draw us into your reality today.

You are good and you do good. Psalm 119:68 (Net) 

In every situation, God chooses good. Do we always see the goodness? Do we understand the forces at work? Do we grasp, even, what "good" means? I know I don’t. But thirty-four years of walking with him has convinced me of his goodness.

When I falter in my conviction, I look again at the cross. Only a good God would do what God has done in Jesus:  showing us the center of his heart. Not telling us about himself, but leaving us with scenes of his intimate behavior. We can imagine the scene with Zacheus, where Jesus broke the social barriers to eat with him. We know his protection and exhortation with the woman caught in adultery. We see his bold response to the hypocrisy of the self-righteous.

When we groan in our suffering, when we weep in our grief, when we gnash our teeth at the injustice we’ve experienced, we can rest in his goodness. Nothing easy about that, but God’s goodness is his essential character. Perhaps, if we are really honest with ourselves, we question his goodness today.  And yet, days are coming when we will see the whole plan and worship.

Jesus, we long for your kingdom come.

How old do you feel?

When a psychotherapy client told me about a difficulty at work or at home, sometimes I would ask that question. Maybe she was complaining about how her husband or her boss treated her. Or he was reporting how humiliated he felt when he missed a putt playing golf with co-workers. If the event had caused so much distress that the client was discussing it in therapy, it usually was triggering an old unresolved pain.

Those pains reside in our younger selves. For instance, I carried an angry 12 year old on my back for a long time. I often got too angry at my daughter when she was young–way more than her misbehavior warranted. It took me a long time to figure out it was the old injustice done to me that was fueling my overreaction to her.

Identifying those feelings allowed me to consider what the 12 year old still needed–someone to validate her pain, someone to comfort her, someone to assure her of God’s justice. Then I could ask God for that nurturance. Asking ourselves how old we feel can show us where the old pain is. Then we can invite God into that old pain to work his healing.

Jesus, the next time we overreact, tell us how old we are. Then, come with your kind eyes and warm heart to heal those old pains.