“I have some questions about publishing. I’ll call you.” Last spring, I was chatting at a meeting with an old acquaintance. The phone hasn’t rung.
“Let’s do lunch. I’ll email you.” Have you heard that one lately?
“I’ll let you know soon.” How soon is soon?
Caught in a communication snafu lately? How do we decide when to clarify, when to let go, when to be irritated?
Communication styles differ by culture as well as personality. Some folks are less direct, others more so. Some are passive, some active. Some wouldn’t think of mouthing a commitment without follow-through. Others speak of a future interaction intending to convey “I like you,” not “Let’s actually do lunch.”
We also differ in our skill. We may not realize until later what someone meant. Or we wish we’d thought at the time to ask for more clarity.
Life, of course, interrupts. We understand when commitments derail because the washer leaks, the road floods, and the children start vomiting.
Barring those delays, though, learning each others’ promise-making style is a key to good relationships. After nearly forty years with Jerry, I’ve learned he sometimes makes promises he’d like to keep but feels too tired for when the time comes.
In the last few years, he’s learned to clarify that he’d like, for example, to go to music at Hessel Park on Sunday night, if he has the energy. That clarification reminds me to be flexible. He’s learned I take him at his word, so he’s gotten more careful.
After nearly forty years with Jesus, I’ve learned he’s careful with his words, too. And he’s never too tired to follow through.
But a lot of his promises are confusing, aren’t they? “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” (John 14:14) Haven’t we wondered about that one? And yet, like I trust Jerry’s character, I trust Jesus’ character. Even if he can’t always follow through, I’ve learned to trust Jerry’s tenderhearted faithfulness. He gets it from Jesus.
Jesus, thank you that we can take you at your word. When we are confused by your words, help us trust your character.
Having achieved nothing, our second grandson is already amazing.