Always Emmanuel

“Do this in remembrance of me,” Jesus said as he broke the bread and poured the wine at the last passover with his disciples before his crucifixion. Some churches remember him in communion every Sunday, some less often, but regularly. Some of us do communion ourselves, spouse with spouse. Others believe the elements must be consecrated by church authorities. Some believe the bread and the wine are the literal body and blood. Others understand it to be symbolic.

However we understand communion, Christians are all called to do it to help our memories. We serve a forgettable God. A God whose reality can slide out of the front of our minds. Odd, isn’t it, that our creator can be forgotten?

Those of us who believe Jesus is who he said he was don’t easily forget his actual existence. But what about some of the key details? In the midst of some minor stresses this week, I forgot what I so easily tell others:  “God is right there with you, suffering alongside of you.” That detail–I’m not alone in my distress–rushed back into my memory like the first daffodil of spring. With his company, I can endure.

What are you enduring these days? Hot days, unemployment, boredom, fussy children, cancer, death of a spouse, or a few minor inconveniences you feel guilty for stressing out about? In all the ways we endure in this fallen world, he has promised he will never leave or forsake us. Let’s help each other remember:  he is here, with us. Emmanuel is not just a Christmas song. He is always Emmanuel, God with us.

Jesus, thank you for your presence, remembered or unremembered.

Sow Five Positive Words

Here’s a self-compassion challenge: for every negative thought about our self or our behavior, write five positive sentences. Words that are true, kind, and hopeful.

A local newspaper columnist from the ’80s often referred to his wife as his “constant companion.” Since we are our own constant companion, let’s apply some marital research to our inner life. That’s where sowing positivity comes in.

Research shows that for every criticism, a healthy couple gives five affirmations. After twenty years of doing psychotherapy with individuals and observing my own emotional growth, I’ve learned healthy self-regard also balances out criticism with compliments.

If we’re already in a good relationship with ourselves, we instinctively think kind thoughts when we perform badly. We know sowing negativity doesn’t help. But if we’re just starting to learn a new skill, we need to make it a conscious process. Writing out sentences will help.

Here are some true, kind, and hopeful words that apply to all of us who desire to walk close to Jesus:

1. I am accepted in the Beloved. (Ephesians 1:6, KJV)

2. Jesus does not condemn me. (Romans 8:1)

3.  I can love myself just as I am because God does. (1 John 4:16)

4.  God is at work in me. I can rest in his work. (Philippians 2:13)

5. I am my Father’s project. He will finish what he has started. (Philippians 1:6)

Self-punishment is hard-packed clay in which nothing grows. Self-kindness is loam and compost and peat moss. Half the battle of growth is self-kindness. In that soil, change can germinate.

Jesus, let your word fertilize our soil. For your glory. Amen.

Self-Compassion or Self-Punishment?

Do you typically treat yourself with compassion or punishment? What kinds of sentences flit though your mind when you nearly cause a car accident? “Wow, keep your eyes open, stupid.” or “Oops, I could have hit that car. Thank you Jesus, I didn’t.

If we want to change from self-punishment to compassion, what’s the first step? When I changed my attitude toward myself, I first recognized those words that populated the back of my mind. “Dummy.” “Inadequate.” “Bad Mommie.”

Then, we need to sort out truth. Sometimes we need feedback from others, sometimes we can determine truth ourselves. Realistically, I knew I wasn’t a dummy. When I evaluated carefully, I saw I was inadequate in some ways, but not in others. And I knew I wasn’t a very good Mommie.

Then, having clarified true words from false, we can decide how to treat ourselves. I was a bad Mommie, in lots of ways. I screamed, I was selfish. Many times, I didn’t give my girl what she needed. I can ask her forgiveness, at the time and later. Then, I can forgive myself.

To entertain a forgiving attitude towards oneself doesn’t mean we condone what we did. It doesn’t excuse. Forgiveness means we cancel the debt against ourselves because God has canceled the debt against us.

Releasing that debt is the only way forward.

If I continue to entertain the “Bad Mommie” gremlin that lurks in my mind, it’ll feed self-disgust. That is also sin. I do not disgust God. He has absorbed all my sin and self-disgust into his own body on the cross.

We can adopt his attitude toward ourselves. By the Holy Spirit, John says, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10.

When we work toward a self-forgiving attitude, we are receiving God’s love.

Sweet Papa, we are so grateful for your work in our hearts. Please continue to give us grace to forgive, especially ourselves, so we can keep moving towards your magnificent love.