The Possiblities of Loss

For the past 10 years of our 36 year marriage, my husband
and I have slept in different rooms. I resisted that for several years, but
finally we decided we really had to sleep apart if either of us were to sleep
well—I snored, his legs twitched. I cried myself to sleep, pouring out my heart
to God, alone in what had been our bedroom, for the first four days. On the
fifth morning, I woke up with the thought: 
“There are some advantages to this.”

 

I went to the paint store and found a deep red for the walls.
Wide white crown molding joins the red walls to the off-white ceiling. On a
trip to an Illinois river town, I found a cotton lace valance. Because I needed
to only please myself, I could decorate in a style I liked. What I grieved,
the warm closeness, we actually do more of since we sleep apart. We snuggle
and pray every morning and night in a way we didn’t when we slept together.

 

Sometimes the outcomes we most resist have unforeseen
blessings. When we grieve our losses, God uses his endless creativity to redeem
that pain. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” is a call
to grieve fully. If I’d stayed angry and sad and kept that to myself rather
than crying out to God on those first four nights, would I have seen the
possibilities? I wonder. God meets us in our honest grief.

 

Father, at the right times and in the right ways, help us to
mourn our losses. Amid those losses, may we see your possibilities.  

Dream Change

Last week, the devotional took an hour to write. I was done
by 10:00 a.m. This week, it’s 11:00 a.m. and I’ve just started writing this
sentence. I had a vision last week, though it was changed by the time I got to
the middle of the writing. I didn’t know when I started that I would write
about John Perkins. I thought I’d write the whole piece about Olympic champions.

What I thought about from 9:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. today was
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech, given 45 years ago on
this date. And, today, the Democrats are nominating a man for the United States
presidency who has a Kenyan father. Whether they vote for him or not, surely
that is a dream come true for African-Americans. As a white woman, I’m sure
I have no idea what it means to my Black friends. I doubt they could adequately
convey the feelings to me.

But I know what it’s like to have a vision fulfilled, if
changed. Last week, writing the devotional was a microcosm. And I’m walking out
a larger vision. I sent a book manuscript to the publisher yesterday. It’ll be
out in the spring. We’ll find out how that dream changes. May God’s will be
done and his dreams for all of us be realized, however different they might be
than what we envision.

May your Kingdom come,
your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Phelps Passion Surpassed

At the Beijing 2008 Olympics, in the 100 meter butterfly,
multi-gold medalist Michael Phelps won by one one-hundredth of a second. While
his competitor, Milorad Cavic glided in the water, Mr. Phelps powered a last
half-stroke, which made all the difference. A top-of-the world champion doesn’t
glide. And he never gives up.

Usain Bolt of Jamaica is the first person in twenty-four years to
win both the 100 meter and 200 meter race in track and field, both in world record time.
He said afterwards, "When I saw I could get the world record in the 200, I told myself I was going to
leave everything on the track, and I did just that."[i] Nothing
held back. He gave all that was in him to the effort to win.

Have we found anything in our lives that is worth giving our
all for, worth all our passion? There are many worthy goals in life—build a
good business, raise good children, discover new medicines—and yet only one
goal is worth giving our all. To do the will of God.

That phrase reminds me of something John Perkins, the Christian
community organizer, said, at the Cornerstone Fest in the mid-nineties: “I
sleep four hours a night. The rest of the time I think and pray about how to do
the will of God in my life.” Mr. Perkins is giving his all for God’s love and
justice to be manifest among the poor. Mr. Phelps’ passion to be the best
Olympic athlete ever and Mr. Bolt’s electric finishes have nothing on Mr. Perkins.
John Perkins is a top-of-the world champion in God’s eyes.   

Father, please give us
a passion for your good will.