Devotionals/Sunday Psalms – Page 9

Letter to a Lost Parent

When a parent dies who was not the parent we needed, we may feel a very complicated grief. If we’ve mourned the loss over the years of his/her life, the grief will be less. If we have continued to hope for a loving, attentive father or mother, grief will be much more difficult and strenuous. A way to help process grief that I often recommended to clients is to write a letter. Something like:

Dear Dad (or Mom or Father or you who adopted me but didn’t nurture me),

What can I say? There’s so much I wish we could have talked about before you died. I wish we could have had a heart-to-heart about that time in third grade when I came home crying because someone teased me at school and you said, “Oh, don’t be such a crybaby.” Or the time in sixth grade when a boy touched my newly developing breasts. I was mortified and humiliated but knew you’d dismiss it as nothing, so I never even mentioned it. I’d sure like to tell you how it felt when you got so drunk at my wedding.

And then there’s what happened in my bedroom at night and how that darkened my heart. I can’t think of those things without hating you. There, I’ve said it. I hated you. I probably still hate you.

How can you just leave me like this? Didn’t you care about me at all? Why raise me if you didn’t love me? There’s so much I don’t understand. Maybe I never will. I’ve got to get past all this pain. Your cruelty does not mean I deserved it.

Your daughter, “Annie”

(And, if you are a Christian) Lord, here’s my torn, messy, sinful heart. I know you love me, even if my parents didn’t. Maybe they thought they were doing the best they could. Maybe they were. Only you know. Please show me what you see here. I need wisdom and grace to grieve. Please. Amen.

Father, may all who grieve be comforted. May those who grieve without you find you in the midst of their pain. And may those who grieve with you feel your arms surrounding them. For your glory and your coming kingdom. Amen.

Begin with Honesty

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” 1 John 1:8

Apple core Deception and dishonesty began in the garden. Caught out with the apple, Eve said, “The serpent deceived me and I ate.” Genesis 3:13. The serpent encouraged her to believe a lie, but she accepted his version. In his version, she wouldn’t die; she’d become wise. Wouldn’t the honest response be: “Yes, I sinned. I knew the serpent was wrong.”

Jeremiah describes our dishonesty:

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9

Like Mother Eve, we are endlessly self-deceptive. Confronted with our failures, we say, or at least think, “What, me? You’re saying I’m self-centered?” “I don’t listen?” “You think I’m arrogant?” Self-deception is our default mode.

Only one can break through:

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
according to what their deeds deserve.” Jeremiah 17:10

Only the Father can penetrate our self-deception. Only he convicts. When we suddenly recognize our sin, thanking him is the only wise response.

Even wiser is an everyday prayer: “Father, where am I being dishonest with myself?” or “Lord Jesus, purify my heart.” or “Search me and try me. Expose my sin that I might not cause pain.”

We begin with honesty–truthfulness, free from deception. When we’re honest with ourselves, we know there’s always more to be exposed, forgiven, and healed. Confession, then, agrees with God about our sin. From honesty and confession comes cleansing:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”1 John 1:9

I’d ask where you are deceiving yourself, but how would you know? Come, Spirit of Jesus who proceeds from the Father. Expose our sin, cleanse us from our unrighteousness and draw us into your heart, where all goodness dwells.

Life-Changing Love

Some teachings change our lives. At a small Tuesday morning women’s group in 1978, the leader taught on the “three revelations:” the Lordship of Jesus, the love of the Father, and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lordship, love, and power. If we are believers, then the lordship of Jesus has been revealed to us and we’ve accepted his authority. But we can be believers all our lives without the other two.

A young mother then, I’d walked with the Lord Jesus several years, but guilt and shame fed my restless heart. Though I had experienced some of the power of the Spirit and in my head, I knew the Father loved me, in my heart, I wandered in and out of the rooms of the Father’s house. I wanted to settle in but I couldn’t relax.

As the leader talked that day, I grasped that a revelation of his “love that would not let me go” would allow me to move in. I longed to lie on the couch, to enjoy the light of his face.

She suggested praying for revelation, so I prayed. I’ve written several pages in my memoir about this process, ending with a particular experience: …”a warmth I’d never felt before began at the top of my head and flowed through every inch of my body. In one swoop through my being, God’s love filled my heart. He was smiling at me. His arms were open as I walked into his embrace. It was the revelation of the Father’s love I’d been asking for.” pg. 153, Trading Fathers (Winepress, 2009)

If you question his love for you, won’t you ask for a revelation this year? Every day: “Father, reveal your love to me, please.”

Let me know what happens.

Father, more love, more power, under your lordship in Jesus. For your glory and our joy, Amen.