When parents have abused us as children, the first decision
of forgiveness and healing is to say, “I was sinned against.” Another decision
of forgiveness is to say “It was not my fault.”  Assuming we deserved the abuse can block
opening up the wounds for God’s healing.

As children, any bad thing that happened to us was our
fault. It was my fault I got beaten with a razor strap. I deserved it. It was my
fault daddy touched me. I shouldn’t have gotten on his lap. It was my fault mommy
ignored me. I had a big nose.   

It wasn’t your fault you were beaten with a razor strap. When
you needed help to walk the good path, your parents needed to find a less
damaging way to discipline. It wasn’t your fault that your daddy sexually
abused you. He was the adult, responsible for your healthy growth and
development. Your nose was not reason enough to be ignored by your mother. 

We can ask God “Was that thing they did to me really my
fault?” We can talk to a pastor, a friend, or a counselor. Let’s ask Jesus for
power to open up the wounds, at the right time and in the right way. Painful as
it is to lance the wounds, it is a step towards healing. But this work is hard
and scary. Don’t do it without support. 

Jesus, please provide comfort and support as we work on
forgiving our parents.     

During one of my early years as a believer, I prayed only for
my own emotional healing. I especially asked for self-esteem. I prayed for a
year, every day. I didn’t pray for anyone else. I knew I didn’t feel very good
about myself. I knew God needed to do a deep work in me before I could be
useful to others. As a result, God firmed up my sense of being lovable and
capable—the core components of self-esteem. I continued to pray for healing for
the next ten years. But the year I prayed only for myself built the foundation. 

When I mention praying for myself, people often say, “Isn’t
that selfish?” On the foundation of that first year of focused, “selfish,” prayer,
God built a twenty-year ministry as a psychotherapist. A few lives were saved
and many were changed in that ministry. All because I invested that year in
beseeching God to build my crumbling emotional and spiritual foundations. And,
now, as a writer and speaker, I expect God to continue to build on that
foundation, to the blessing of many more. 

It is not selfish to invest time in building our own lives
so we can then turn and help others build theirs. Many of us can, or must, do that
simultaneously. But some of us need, and can take, a season, however long, for our own reconstruction. The goal is always other-focused; the process,
however, may require long rest stops. It is not foolish to spend a few years in
recovery for many years of ministry. 

Jesus, Help us take the time we need to heal. Not selfishly, but with an eye to future ministry.