"If you forgave them, why don't you go see them more often?" One of the attendees at a workshop on forgiving our parents asked. I'd spoken of the abuse from my father, his continuing oppressive nature, and how I'd given up my hatred, but still didn't spend much time with them.
At the time, about fifteen years ago, I couldn't articulate my response clearly. Today, I know it's the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is unilateral. Reconciliation takes two. Anyone can let anyone else off the hook for a hurt, all by themselves. They don't need the other person to accept responsibility for causing that pain. I can stop my fury at my father whether he repents or not. You can give up your anger at your classmate for his high school ridicule whether you ever see that person again. We can live in peace by choosing forgiveness.
However, to make peace with our tormentor requires the perpetrator of the wrong to recognize the wrong, listen to your pain, and make amends. My father, now deceased, recognized his wrong, for which I'm thankful. But he never listened to my pain nor did he make amends. Trust was never built between us. I live in peace, however, because of forgiveness.
Anyone you know you need to forgive today? Anyone close that you don't trust? Someone who sparks a bad memory? Ask for grace to choose forgiveness so you can live in peace.
Father, we cannot forgive without your power. Convict us of our unforgiveness and set us free.