Any kind of childhood abuse leaves a residual of shame. The child asks, instinctively, though usually not in actual words: “What’s wrong with me to be treated so badly?” “I must be really bad for Daddy to hit me so hard.” “Why does Mommy ignore me—am I not worth her attention?” “I really am a dummy, my big brother says so.” We are admonished to forgive the sins of others. We also need to reject the shame that accompanies those sins.
An uninterested parent, for example, leaves us feeling rejected. That feeling gives Satan soil to sow his lies. We don’t recognize his seeds, we just think it’s the truth. Feeling rejected and alone is so painful, we tend to keep the feelings behind a locked door. When we find the courage to turn around and unlock the door, though, we can find understanding. As we understand the roots of our shame, we can reject the lies of the enemy. I’m not saying rejecting shame is easy. I’m saying it’s possible.
Satan is the father of lies. (John 8:44) He is a true enemy, because he sows his lies when we are most vulnerable, as children. The core shame lie centers on our identity and God’s feelings about us. “You’re worthless and God doesn’t love you.” That’s the most toxic version. Many milder versions of the lie also exist. For example, “Something is wrong with me if I can’t balance my checkbook.” “How stupid can I be?” or "I can’t imagine God walking beside me."
The truth is in a quote from Guilt and Freedom, by Narramore and Counts: “You are deeply fallen, but greatly loved.”
Jesus, help us face our shame, expose Satan’s lies, and find your truth.